We recently published an article with tips and suggestions for giving feedback, and today, we wanted to talk about the flip side of that coin - receiving feedback.
I’ll never forget the first time I received critical feedback at work. It happened years ago when I was working at IBM. It was an exciting time because we had just rolled out the first flat panels, and we were figuring out all the wonderful ways we could use this new technology. I was in meetings with heads of IT all over the East Coast in hospitals, businesses, and on trading floors. Orders came in from NASA, The White House Situation Room, and the FBI.
Everywhere we went, people were excited about the ability to save space, use multiple monitors, keep them cleaner, and save electricity costs. While all this was amazing, supply just couldn’t keep up with demand.
Priorities changed very quickly based on where the demand was coming from. Many of our customers understood, but it turned out some customers were getting frustrated.
I got a call from my manager at the time and he shared with me that he was taking me off of one account and giving it to a colleague. It was a huge order and I had spent a lot of time with the client. I was surprised and very upset - not having a chance to fix things felt unbearable at that moment.
Did I learn something?
Absolutely. First, it taught me the importance of constantly being in touch with my clients. I should never have been blindsided by the fact that a client was unhappy. It taught me to ask for feedback and showed me how important it would be not to react (or overreact) when getting unexpected feedback.
It made sense that I was upset. It was the first time I’d gotten not-so-great feedback at work. In retrospect, however, what stung the most was that it was such a drastic step with no feedback given before the change and no chance to course correct.
Empathy And Action
When receiving feedback from subordinates, empathy and action are two of the most important things to remember. The person giving feedback wants to feel heard and that their concerns will be taken seriously.
For Example:
A senior executive, let’s call her L, received news that someone in her organization was resigning. She was familiar with this person, though she was in her early twenties and early in her career. L was surprised this person was leaving and wanted to understand why.
When she met with this employee, she was quiet and empathetic, though what she heard was distressing. This employee hadn’t been appropriately supported, nor could she let her skills and talents shine. Further, this person’s boss (L’s direct report and currently out on vacation) tolerated a less-than-ideal environment that allowed cliques to develop and thrive. This employee had asked for the behavior to stop and the manager had not properly addressed it.
L took the time to listen, canceling her next appointment and following up over the weekend to ensure this employee felt supported. She validated the employee’s feelings and empathized with what she’d experienced. L asked questions to clarify the context and gathered additional data and information. She asked what could be done to support and help the employee, whether she stayed or left. L was clear that she would take action, including bringing the issues to HR to open an investigation right away.
12 Considerations For When You Receive Feedback
Feedback can be challenging to receive, however, we can use it as an opportunity to create positive change.
// 1 Stay Open-Minded
Try to keep an open mind and be willing to listen when someone has a different perspective or experience of a situation.
//2 Be Present and Stay Calm
We know it’s easy to stop listening and start focusing on your response, but we can miss important information when we do that. Take deep breaths, feel your feet connected to the ground, and do your best to give this person your full attention. Avoid distractions and make eye contact to show you’re engaged. Try to remind yourself that this is an opportunity to grow.
//3 Ask for Clarification
Don’t hesitate to ask for specific examples of details so that you can better understand the feedback and its context. Asking questions can demonstrate that you want to understand their point of view.
// 4 Avoid Defensive Reactions
We know it’s only human nature to react this way, and it can take some practice to receive feedback with grace and avoid becoming defensive, argumentative, or dismissive.
// 5 Listen Actively
Hear the speaker out without interrupting. Paraphrase what the person is saying to confirm your understanding. You may want to take notes and jot down key points and suggestions. It’ll also give you something to refer back to later. Focus on the message, not the messenger. Try not to take it personally and concentrate on the constructive aspects of the feedback.
//6 Don't Rush to Respond
It’s okay to take some time to process feedback before responding. Sometimes our bruised egos need a moment to recover. Avoid making immediate promises to change or defend your actions, and give yourself some space to think.
//7 Reflect
Take some time to process and reflect on what you’ve heard. Ask yourself if there’s truth in the feedback and how it aligns with or shifts your goals around improvement. Remember that sometimes feedback might be more about the giver than the receiver, in which case, it might be helpful to seek input from other sources to get a more accurate picture.
//8 Take Ownership
Demonstrate a growth mindset by acknowledging the areas where you can improve and make a commitment to work on them.
//9 Identify Actionable Items
Determine which parts of the feedback you can act upon and improve. Create steps to help you make positive change and, if applicable, apologize and make amends.
//10 Seek Additional Input
If you’re feeling uncertain about the feedback or want a broader perspective, consider seeking input from others. Different viewpoints can create a more balanced picture.
//11 Empathy and Gratitude
Remember that it was probably just as uncomfortable for the person to give you the feedback as it was for you to receive it. Show appreciation for their input and perspective and the effort they’re making to help you grow. And don’t forget to also have empathy for yourself.
//12 Follow-Up
If you’re unsure how to implement the feedback, seek further guidance or clarification - this can demonstrate your willingness to improve. And, if you do decide to make changes based on the feedback, follow up with the person and share your progress.
Turning Feedback Into Growth
Early on in my career, I got a new role, which included managing a small number of employees. When I met with my boss on the first day, she gave me an overview of the individuals I’d be leading. We talked through each person’s functional role, background, and experience within the company. Almost as an afterthought, she added that one person, M, seemed disengaged and had recently made several poor decisions. She was concerned about this person’s future.
In the first few weeks of my new role, I met everyone and got up to speed on their roles, getting to understand even more about my staff, their communication styles and what was needed within the larger organization.
When I met with M, she had very strong opinions, and I could see her quickly brushing off her colleagues' thoughts and suggestions during meetings. She made decisions and operated quickly, which would have been great in many situations but given the level of detail necessary to do her job well, this style wasn’t serving her.
I asked to meet with M on a Friday afternoon. We took a walk so that we were away from other listening ears and I shared my observations. I also asked how I could best support her and inquired about how the feedback resonated.
M took the feedback really well. She used active listening to understand my point of view and accepted that her work and collaboration had been less than stellar. M openly answered my questions, giving me more context, and proactively shared the “why” without making excuses or getting defensive. Because of this, I could understand where she was coming from and work towards a solution with her.
M calmly and rationally shared how, at her age, she felt deflated to be working at this level and she thought she should be given a promotion. She was open about how being short-staffed had led her to work late and rush through edits. She hadn’t wanted to hear her colleagues' opinions because any changes would’ve kept her at the office working even later. And she had a new puppy at home who needed care and feeding. It was clear M needed more hands.
Because M received the feedback so well, she and I could speak openly, and we engaged in some productive problem-solving together. I suggested that we bring someone new onto her team to help and shared that I would support a promotion if she could turn things around. We agreed on the steps she would take to make changes. And she followed up a few days later and in our weekly one-on-ones to share what she was working on and how things were going.
I could see the difference almost immediately, even before we got her that extra pair of hands. Not only did she adequately address the feedback, she ended up being one of the strongest members of my team and supported her colleagues beautifully.
It can be uncomfortable to receive feedback, but we can learn to embrace it as a valuable source of information and an opportunity for learning and development. And, if we let it, feedback can become a catalyst for personal and professional growth.
If you’ve been on the receiving end of some critical feedback lately and are looking for ways to support yourself as you make changes, we invite you to check out our coaching packages.
